Hilarious Blog Post on Wine

A "Conservative" blogger posted a preening, ridiculous article on the horrors of not finding any buttery, oaky California Chardonnay on a French island. Left Wing Blog site Doghouse riley does an amusing takedown which some of you may find enjoyable!
At least I thought it was amusing
http://doghouseriley.blogspot.com/2008/ ... b-eye.html

"Oh, we tried. The chardonnay grape is the basis for many famous French labels such as Chablis, Pouilly-Fuisse, and Montrachet. We tried many an expensive bottle to try to feed our nasty habit, to no avail. Each one of them to our palates seemed watery, or acidic, or too tart. One afternoon, we even set off on a desperate mission to a huge warehouse literally stacked floor to ceiling with wine. The nice French lady who helped me seemed dumbfounded when I asked if they had any California wine among the thousands of bottles surrounding us. “But….thees is a French island!” she asked, bewildered.

Okay, first, "thees is a French island!" is not a question, and, second, I'm guessing that when you replied, "But I vant zee American zhard-o-nay," it didn't help matters.

Lesson--where are we?--three. Zee fucking Mow-ra-chay, from a good vintage and producer, is the goddam epitome of the sort of wine you claim to like, but without the two kilograms/liter of oak chips. French wines are naturally more acidic than California wines (which have a severe problem with over-ripe, acid-shedding grapes). Acidity provides the wine with a backbone (and, in the lack, is why California Chardonnays are so often flabby). It's a good thing. The wine may be "tart" to someone expecting, maybe, a Diet Pepsi, and its naturally lower alcohol may seem "watery" to someone expecting a Jack Daniel's, which, incidentally, is nearly as sweet as that Pepsi, suggesting that American palates, generally educated by the mass market, might benefit from a long-overdue weaning. Greater acidity and less "alcohol burn" make them much better accompaniments to food, which is where, generally, wine should be consumed, not as a cocktail with a faux-Continental flair which one then poor-mouths as not American enough."

[David M. Bueker]

Well ranted!

[Robin Garr]

Another great catch, Brian. I know this excerpted point might be controversial, but it truly rings a bell for me:

Greater acidity and less "alcohol burn" make them much better accompaniments to food, which is where, generally, wine should be consumed, not as a cocktail with a faux-Continental flair which one then poor-mouths as not American enough."

I like the original poster's comment about "trying to break out of her wine rut" when even with California Chardonnays she drinks mainly one brand and occasionally two other brands! Why didn't she get really adventurous and try a Sauvignon Blanc or a Riesling or heavens, even a red wine!

Nice rant. I like it that he focused more on her closed mind than on her taste in wine. Imagine going into a "huge warehouse literally stacked floor to ceiling with wine" (French wine, at that) and leaving empty-handed because they didn't have a bottle of Rombauer chardonnay.

It's interesting trying to put myself in that woman's shoes, which i do, in a way, when I go to a different part of the country to sell wine. I live in a part of Berkeley called the "gourmet ghetto," a block from a bakery that makes croissants that bring tears of pleasure to my eyes, a block and a half from very good espresso, two blocks from Chez Panisse, etc., etc., so when I go to Northern Virginia, or even downtown Chicago, I feel like I'm in a different culture, and have to find out what the locals do. It's hard to imagine being such a whiner about it.

It's interesting trying to put myself in that woman's shoes, which i do, in a way, when I go to a different part of the country to sell wine.

Another for the long list of "Strange things people do when away from home"

Another great catch, Brian. I know this excerpted point might be controversial, but it truly rings a bell for me:

Greater acidity and less "alcohol burn" make them much better accompaniments to food, which is where, generally, wine should be consumed, not as a cocktail with a faux-Continental flair which one then poor-mouths as not American enough."

I think this is a really important point. I taste wines at tastings and wineries, of course, but I don't enjoy wine nearly as much as with food. Strangely enough, I especially and definitely prefer reds with food...if I am doing the "cocktail" thing, I'll drink a light white or a sweet desert wine.

I am so envious, Steve.

I also envy you the 30 degree temperature differential during summers.

It's interesting trying to put myself in that woman's shoes, which i do, in a way, when I go to a different part of the country to sell wine.

Another for the long list of "Strange things people do when away from home"

The women's shoes thing, or the selling of wine?

I live in a part of Berkeley called the "gourmet ghetto,"...

Don't rub it in. I actually brought pre-wrapped vegetables in a supermarket today!

Trying not to remember the sights, smells, and tastes of Berkeley...

so when I go to Northern Virginia, or even downtown Chicago, I feel like I'm in a different culture, and have to find out what the locals do. It's hard to imagine being such a whiner about it.

My take on this is that if one gets so bent out of shape over not finding familiar things while traveling, then why travel?! Like Steve, I like to find foods and drinks that the locals enjoy, and try them (as long as they aren't TOO gross, anyway). It's kinda like going into a nice restaurant while on a family vacation, and have the kids whine because they can't get a cheeseburger.

I live in a part of Berkeley called the "gourmet ghetto,"...

Don't rub it in. I actually brought pre-wrapped vegetables in a supermarket today!

Trying not to remember the sights, smells, and tastes of Berkeley...

Welcome to my life, Rahsaan -- except that I've been doing it for 20 years now

Mark Lipton

so when I go to Northern Virginia, or even downtown Chicago, I feel like I'm in a different culture, and have to find out what the locals do. It's hard to imagine being such a whiner about it.

My take on this is that if one gets so bent out of shape over not finding familiar things while traveling, then why travel?! Like Steve, I like to find foods and drinks that the locals enjoy, and try them (as long as they aren't TOO gross, anyway). It's kinda like going into a nice restaurant while on a family vacation, and have the kids whine because they can't get a cheeseburger.

On a travel forum I occasionally frequent, there was an analogous post asking if they were allowed to take various snack foods (from US) into Italy - as they liked to snack on the move.

With me, the exchange of foods (UK /Italy) is rather significantly in the other direction - I try to pack only half full luggage on the way out...

regards

Ian

It reminds me of an exchange I had with two female tourists from Chicago in Ireland. Beautiful scenery, lots of history, friendly people and the main thing they were focused on was not enough hot water at their hotel! They could have stayed in Chicago and had plenty of hot water but look at what else they would have been missing! (Or maybe they wouldn't miss it--maybe they don't really care for gorgeous scenery or getting to know people from another culture.)