Arcane foodstuff recommendation?

What brand of natto would you recommend?

One properly marked, "Not intended for human consumption."

Larry,

Let me refer you to this website. Called "The Sneeze". Here is an excerpt from "Steve, Don't eat it" as he reviews, and eats foods that should not be eaten.

Its pretty a pretty funny commentary. But the language can get a bit rough. We're all adults here, but I just thought anyone should know before reading further.


http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/ca ... eat_it.php

Steve, Don't Eat It! Vol. 6

Natto

I recently came across a container of fermented soybeans in the supermarket. I don't mean an old container of soybeans some stockboy forgot to toss. These are fermented-on-purpose soybeans from Japan. That's what Natto is.

I remembered hearing about this stuff on Iron Chef one time when it was the secret ingredient. The judges in the show were commenting on what a great job the chefs had done to "supress the smell" of the natto. I'm no Iron Chef, but I've got a clever way to supress the smell. Don't put it in your fucking food. I might not win "Battle Natto," but I promise you my dinner won't smell like stank-ass soybeans.

I found it slightly unsettling that the sealed styrofoam container had creepy little airholes in it. As if what was inside needed to breathe. I dared to lift the lid, which made me regret that I needed to breathe. The natto was coated in some kind of sick slime and had the complex yet playful aroma of a dumpster in July.

Actually, the little pile inside looked kinda like baked beans. It also smelled kinda like baked beans. If they were baked in the filthy heat of Satan's asshole.

This particular batch was made by a company in Japan called Shirakiku. I haven't been able to determine if Shirakiku is a food manufacturer, or just a store that sells gag gifts and practical jokes. It might be both.

Not unlike Michael Jackson, these harmless soybeans had undergone some kind of hideous transformation. They were now a freakish version of their former selves. (Which, coincidentally, should also be kept away from your children.)

The most disturbing aspect of this stuff is it seems to get "activated" when you stir it. What I mean by this is, (and I may actually weep, but...) the slimy coating on the beans develops into stringy, stretchy, marshmallow-like strands that will forever haunt my dreams.

Basically, if you move it back and forth enough, you're left with a gross, sticky mess. (Hey, natto and I have at least one thing in common!) And now that I think about it, that's exactly what it looks like the pranksters back at Shirakiku did into my beans. You guuuys!

I force-fed myself a big ol' spoonful, and found it to be slightly rancid and extremely bitter. Unfortunately, swallowing didn't help dissipate the flavor because the strings of bean jizz melted, coating my mouth and lips with a glistening sheen of sadness.

The entire experience is difficult to describe, but if you can remember back to the very first time you made out with a hobo's ass, it's a lot like that.

What I find most hilarious is that there is an expiration date on the package. What could they possibly expect to happen to the product on this date THAT HAS NOT ALREADY OCCURRED?!!!

Also, nestled in this mound of compost was a li'l packet of mustard. In its place, I would strongly suggest a written apology.

I do have one last theory about the date on the package. It may be an expiration date, but not for the beans. If you finish the container, that's the day you die.

Did Steve steal that writeup from Stuart, by any chance?

Great commentary on the stuff.




Mike

I purchased an organic Japanese brand that had a mild, mellow taste that vaguely reminded me of baked beans. It wasn't bad in the least. It's high in Vitamin K2, which is something my wife wants to get more of.

I purchased an organic Japanese brand that had a mild, mellow taste that vaguely reminded me of baked beans. It wasn't bad in the least. It's high in Vitamin K2, which is something my wife wants to get more of.

Isn't K2 that mountain in Tibet or Nepal that has killed more climbers than any other?

Natto sounds like Japan's vegetarian answer to surstromming and lutefisk.

I'm reminded of one visit to a supermarket in Burgundy, France, and my walk down the cheese isle. There was one cheese case that stank to high heaven because of the several brands of Epoisses being sold merely in round wooden containers. Next to them was a cheese with a nasty-looking growth of mold on it, being sold in a double layer of hermetically-sealed plastic. It was labeled merely "fromage plus puissant". If the Epoisses was being left unsealed to the open air, I didn't want to know.

-Paul W.

Yeah, I've climbed K2 a couple of times, but Vitamin K2 is another matter (how do you do subscripts?). Having tried natto a total time of once, I couldn't tell you if other brands are nasty or not. The brand I purchased was just fine and dandy and not offensive in the least.