Hostess gifts

[Jenise]

Saturday night I had some friends to dinner. One brought roses in a small vase, the other brought tall irises no vase. While I appreciate the thought behind flowers, I frankly am not crazy about the whole practice of hostess-gifting. I either get candles I'll never light, or something like those tall irises which require me to stop what I'm doing, go fetch a vase, trim stems, fill water and all that while I am receiving other guests or finishing something on the stove.

I've never given it any thought before but the difference between the two floral gifts I received on Saturday caused me to think: please, never bring me flowers that I have to stop and deal with. I'd prefer that you come empty handed.

Well, just now, I saw a snippet of a reel where Ina Garten, interviewed by Willie Geist, in answer to a question about being a good guest said "never bring flowers without a vase, because the hostess has to drop everything...." Exactly what I said above. I'm not a member of her fan club (I mean, she's just fine, but I'm not a follower), but here's something we totally agree on.

Anyone else share my peeve?

I pretty much always bring food with the message that this is for the host, not the event, so set it aside and admire it later.

I bring an appetite.

My pet peeve is guests bringing wine because 9 times out of 10 they're getting it a the local grocery or liquor store and it's something that we'll likely never drink. I agree, though, that bringing flowers that require you to deal with is quite thoughtless. We often will bring a small gift for the host/hostess, but usually it's something that we know they'll like or use and which can be readily set aside for a later time.

My pet peeve is guests bringing wine because 9 times out of 10 they're getting it a the local grocery or liquor store and it's something that we'll likely never drink. I agree, though, that bringing flowers that require you to deal with is quite thoughtless. We often will bring a small gift for the host/hostess, but usually it's something that we know they'll like or use and which can be readily set aside for a later time.

Ha! I don't get too mad at guests who at least make an effort, although I agree the wine offerings can be laughable.

I feel awkward showing up places without a gift, but yes, it's usually something small, wrapped and edible.

That is so true, Jenise. I had to ask my family to quit bringing me flowers. They were a bit peeved because this was after I told them not to give me gifts. The thought was appreciated, but I ended up with 6 containers of honey, many containers of various peanuts, etc. I do appreciate a bottle of wine, which I can always use in cooking or giving to a visiting neighbor. I am one person and can only use up so much of what I was being given. I explained that their coming to see me is my gift. I have a yard full of blooming things and usually have one or two bouquets in the house, so the extra flowers were not needed.

All I want is the company.

I should have thought that the perfect hostess gift would have been a couple of packs of Twinkies........

Gah!

[Jenise]

We often will bring a small gift for the host/hostess, but usually it's something that we know they'll like or use

First time ever at someone's home--yes, I bring something. And if I'm staying over, yes absolutely. But as one becomes better friends, I always hope that the need for this goes away and if I think of it, I'll tell people please don't bring anything/not needed.

I think the gesture is required and always appreciated. However, not flowers. I have a large garden with all the flowers I love. I make my own arrangements and will often have them throughout the house when people arrive. Not wine. Neither me nor members of my family consume very much. So any wine you bring will probably end up in a marinade or sauce. Something edible, which I will usually share at the party, or a note of appreciation is okay and I am fine with nothing. But, please, no extra, uninvited or unexpected guests!!! I love me some black people, but we are notorious for doing this. Especially at the BBQ! Somehow when we say BBQ, it's as if we are throwing a block party. Some of my people don't have any problem with bringing Boo-Boo an'nem and telling you that Shaniqua and her chi'rens may be by around eight. Not so much for me and Carl now that we are older and we don't entertain nearly as much. But, boy, the recollections send shivers. . .

By the way, the forum says we should be wishing you Happy Birthday!

By the way, the forum says we should be wishing you Happy Birthday!

Thank you Jeff. It was a quiet day and I was appreciative.

[Robin Garr]

By the way, the forum says we should be wishing you Happy Birthday!

Thank you Jeff. It was a quiet day and I was appreciative.

Happy day-after birthday, Jo Ann!

[Jenise]

Some of my people don't have any problem with bringing Boo-Boo an'nem and telling you that Shaniqua and her chi'rens may be by around eight.

That's funny. You remind me that in the long ago past I ran into this down in L.A. It's not common but white people do it too--there are just people who don't understand the difference between a dinner party and party-party, where food quantities might be tied to a specific number of guests. Last time it happened to me, though, I have to say things worked out: no matter that I had to creatively cut up the steaks to disguise the original intent on quantities, one of the girls invited to meet a specific single guy guest married him a few months later and they're still together, with sons, today.

It depends for us. If it's someone we don't know well, we'll likely bring a small box of chocolates. If it's friends we often drink wine with, then we'll bring a bottle of something interesting that we know we'll probably open and discuss. And we have some friends who specifically request that we bring nothing, so we bring nothing. If it's people showing up at our house, then we're always appreciative of the gesture, although anything that requires us to stop what we're doing to deal with (like the vaseless flowers) is a real pain in the ass.

But good Lord, we'd never just bring along an uninvited guest!

Right: dinner party not equal backyard barbecue!

Another irritation is when someone asks what they can bring, and I offer a suggestion, and they arrive with the ingredients but must use my kitchen space, tools, water, and stove. I started saying If you bring something, bring it ready to go, except for a quick warming in the oven or microwave. One time, the shrimp salad person came, and they had to peel and devein shrimp, cook pasta, and put it all together. The person used 7 pots and pans due to a lack of knowledge of doubling ingredients. I was so stunned when I was told, I hate your stove! I have a high-end Dacor 6-burner gas cooktop, and could not figure out why she hated the stove.

I was so stunned when I was told, I hate your stove! I have a high-end Dacor 6-burner gas cooktop, and could not figure out why she hated the stove.

IMO she was being extremely rude, especially if she volunteered the opinion without being asked what she thought of the stove. If I'd been asked, I'd be diplomatic about it and maybe say something like "I prefer electric burners".

-Paul W.

[Jenise]

One time, the shrimp salad person came, and they had to peel and devein shrimp, cook pasta, and put it all together.

I didn't know you knew my sister!