Cooking for Picky People

[Jenise]

So in May I'll be flying down to L.A. to co-host a dinner for my first wine club started with Ines Nyby, who I met here on FLDG. We've chosen the topic Spanish Reds stipulating that the wines must be at least five years old.

Now we have to plan the meal. In a conversation with my fellow host yesterday, we reviewed the limitations. Beth won't eat salmon or lamb, neither Dennis nor Janellen eat red meat, Jim hates garlic (and in his defense, in later life he acquired a rare inner ear disorder that somehow causes it to taste really bad), Kirk is allergic to scallops, and Jim and Beth both have a deep midwestern distrust of fresh vegetables despite living in California for 30 years. For a cuisine in which pork and garlic figure heavily, we have our work cut out for us.

This gets so tiring! And yeah sure I have my one little picky issue with cold/white/creamy goops, but it's one that's easily avoided and these days there are fewer to avoid since the world around me has upgraded to lighter, healtheir choices. It's not nearly as unusual to "hold the mayo" as it used to be.

Which leads to nothing re this post. I'm just aching out loud....

You could do a paella in which chicken and/or shrimp figured prominently. Sure's there's garlic in the sofrito, but I defy anyone to pick it out of the flavors of the dish.

That's a lot of picky people! I usually just need to deal with a few GF people, occasionally allergy or vegetarian.
Mark's suggestion is good, chicken (or rabbit!) probably better with the reds. Could include sausage if pieces big enough to avoid.
Spanish chicken with almond sauce? Salt cod in tomato sauce could work with reds I think.,
Personally I tend to make several dishes, and know that some people may need to avoid some things.

[Jenise]

You could do a paella in which chicken and/or shrimp figured prominently. Sure's there's garlic in the sofrito, but I defy anyone to pick it out of the flavors of the dish.

Not with Annabelle's POS stove, I can't! Unfortunately. They are quite wealthy but John is ridiculously cheap and Annabelle painfully thrifty so nothing's changed, or will, since the 1986 build. Just kills me.

[Jenise]

Mark's suggestion is good, chicken (or rabbit!) probably better with the reds. Could include sausage if pieces big enough to avoid.
Spanish chicken with almond sauce? Salt cod in tomato sauce could work with reds I think.,
Personally I tend to make several dishes, and know that some people may need to avoid some things.

We tend to serve in flights and courses at these dinners (typical attendance 10 to 12), and loosely we're planning on three (without knowing yet what they'll be except that one will put saffron out front and another will be pimenton-intensive. But you make a point: why not just do a buffet? There's no way I'm leaving chorizo off the menu.

Well it's really nice to hear that you and Ines are still at it!

Monkfish: it's hearty and tasty and, as it is fish, easy to cook.

And I really like the suggestion to make rabbit. Tweak their noses a little....

Does sound tiring! I too get frustrated when accommodating lots of 'preferences', although I'm pescetarian so also know what it's like on the other side. But even as a guest, I think once you get past the small intimate size (3 or 4 people), one should not expect their preferences to be perfectly/fully accommodated. As Dale said, everyone doesn't need to eat everything, and when you go to a large party/tasting you should be prepared not to like/eat everything!

A year or so ago, our daughter was coming to CA from Ohio. She was working two jobs and needed time off. She said she wanted to see three people and that was all, as she only had four days here and did not want to have a party. I briefly listened, then decided to invite out-of-town family. My bad! Soon, the invites were responding with comments, like, remember, so and so does not eat meat of any kind. One ate no veggies or fruit, one no citrus, one no gluten, and on and on. I was not in good shape at that time, energy-wise or in my nerves. I broke down and cancelled the whole thing except for our daughter coming out.

A very wise person I know, who is in the medical field sat me down and said, Karen, you cannot please everyone, it just can't happen. Plan your meals offering meat, fish, lots of veggies, salads, fresh fruit and let it go at that. It is not your job to feed everyone individually. When folks have such issues, they should bring their own food. Right then, I recalled a luncheon held for over 50 volunteers at a local venue. The lady next to be brought her own food, in a pretty basket and set it on the table. I inquired about that, and she told me how fussy she was, and learned long ago to bring what she WOULD eat and enjoy what she could that was presented. I learned a good lesson, and now if I were to do a large gathering, I would give a menu to guests and say, "this is what is being served, if you have something else you would rather eat, we encourage you to bring it. Thank you."

I would give a menu to guests and say, "this is what is being served, if you have something else you would rather eat, we encourage you to bring it. Thank you."

That strikes me as the best solution to the problem.

-Paul W.

[Jenise]

This group does always publish the menu in advance for that reason. But they also cater to each other's shortcomings, sometimes by making a substitute dish.

Another thought is to just make minor tweaks for preferences. I remember a dinner party where we were doing a fried squid/lemon/maitake salad with Riesling as first course, then brasato with polenta and broccoli rabe for main (with Barolo).
One person was vegetarian, another pescetarian, and Jim wouldn't eat anything from the sea.

So first course Jim and vegetarian got a mushroom lemon salad.
Main course the pescetarian got extra squid and shrimp from first course. Vegetarian got more mushrooms. Everyone seemed happy, and we didn't make anything special.

You could do a paella in which chicken and/or shrimp figured prominently. Sure's there's garlic in the sofrito, but I defy anyone to pick it out of the flavors of the dish.

Not with Annabelle's POS stove, I can't! Unfortunately. They are quite wealthy but John is ridiculously cheap and Annabelle painfully thrifty so nothing's changed, or will, since the 1986 build. Just kills me.

Aarrgggh! Talk about challenges. That takes the cake. Do they have an outdoor grill? You could do it out there in an ultra-traditional style and get a true socarrat.

[Jenise]

Their outdoor grill is a short, junior-sized Webber kettle big enough for three steaks. Or at least it has been for years, and considering John's resistance to anything new I'm sure it still is all they have.

And inside the house, the oven is an old Chambers, "I want the smallest oven you can find," John, a non-cooking bachelor at the time, told the builder. After 40 years it doesn't work well, and is so small should it go T-U it can never be replaced because nobody makes anything that small anymore. Annabelle is Chinese and not given to oven preps anyway, so uses it mostly for storage because this kitchen is grossly insufficient in that department, too. So if you need to use it you have to remove everything in their and put it in the laundry room--if you can find space, because it's the other place everything they don't have room for goes. Honestly, she's a hoarder and what comes in never leaves*. And don't get me started on lack of counter space. Every inch of what little there is is covered in stacks of things picked up at garage sales.

Make no mistake: I love these people (though John's tightness makes me crazy). But it's been a long long time owing to recent circumstances since I cooked there, and I kinda forgot until this conversation just how bad things are. What to serve our guests is only half the problem. HOW to make the food is the bigger challenge.

*True story. Once, cooking one of these dinners, I went to slice something and Annabelle said, "Oh I have a mandoline." And out came the step stool which she climbed to get this little box, about 8x4, out of a cabinet in the laundry room. From that I removed this cheap little plastic box with a tin blade on top. I took one swipe with whatever I was slicing and said, "Annabelle, this is dangerous! I'll slice off a finger. Where'd you get it?" She said she bought it at a street market in Malaysia for a dollar.

Obviously it was worthless and should have gone straight into the trash, but instead it went back in the box and back up that ladder to the cabinet it came out of. And I guarantee you it's still there.

This is what I'm dealing with.

I have no words, Jenise. Bless your heart for even trying to cook there. I'll be fascinated to hear what you end up doing.

I'd say it's time to put the Colonel on speed-dial.

I was at a party in Minneapolis a number of years ago for which they rented a great big paella pan with a propane burner and the stand for it. Several of us did the prep and then cooked it out on the back deck. Came out wonderfully. I've since tried to find a place to rent these in Sacramento, but to no avail. You might have better luck in L.A., though.

[Jenise]

I've seen those! Where I live, there's someone who has a whole catering business based on those called PaellaWorks. He'll show up at your party or your wine store and do a big feed. (Impressively attractive, but his use of turmeric in place of saffron ruins it for me.) I have a large paella pan that can cook on a grill, but my friend's grill wouldn't be adequate for the task.

[Jenise]

I have no words, Jenise. Bless your heart for even trying to cook there. I'll be fascinated to hear what you end up doing.

We've done some amazing meals over the years in spite of the limitations. And some new thing usually rears it's ugly head. It was at one such event that we discovered that her creepy little oven cannot be turned down once on--it will turn itself off and refuse attempts at resuscitation until completely cold again. I guarantee you, it has not been fixed.

My favorite of all the dinners we've done was Champagne in which we started out explaining that we were out to prove that champagne was delicious any time of day so our three courses were going to be breakfast, lunch and dinner!! 'Breakfast' was individual gorgonzola souffles topped with strips of bacon and toast points with an onion-orange marmalade. 'Ladies Luncheon' was lobster and pea salads (shoots, vines, snow peas and English peas). And dinner was 'Chinese Take-Out' which featured a lot of Annabelle's heritage--steamed dumplings, BBQ ribs, and not sure what else. Dessert was a sweet Italian bubble with chocolate donuts. Except for the souffles and bacon, which came at the start when our faculties were at their best (another VERY important part of the strategy), and steaming the dumplings later, nearly everything in our menu had do-ahead advantages.

The strategizing is intense. What makes these work is that I'm both a good project manager and the more experienced cook, and Annabelle defers to my instincts. And we work together seamlessly despite the limitations of her kitchen. Used to be so fun doing all the prep cooking the day before while our husbands hung out. Around 4:00 is generally time to crack a bottle--John calls it Poon Time--and I recall one time she and I getting antsy because the guys were outside and not getting around to it. So she and I deserted our posts and hid in the guest bathroom with an uncorked bottle and a pair of flutes. Soon enough we heard John and Bob come back into the house, survey the empty kitchen, and after digesting the fact that we were missing John flatly announced, "Bob, we're fucked." Of course we went hysterical laughing and they found us.

These are the moments in long friendships I treasure. So like I said, I love these people. We'll make it work, we always have.

I have no words, Jenise. Bless your heart for even trying to cook there. I'll be fascinated to hear what you end up doing.

We've done some amazing meals over the years in spite of the limitations. And some new thing usually rears it's ugly head. It was at one such event that we discovered that her creepy little oven cannot be turned down once on--it will turn itself off and refuse attempts at resuscitation until completely cold again. I guarantee you, it has not been fixed.

My favorite of all the dinners we've done was Champagne in which we started out explaining that we were out to prove that champagne was delicious any time of day so our three courses were going to be breakfast, lunch and dinner!! 'Breakfast' was individual gorgonzola souffles topped with strips of bacon and toast points with an onion-orange marmalade. 'Ladies Luncheon' was lobster and pea salads (shoots, vines, snow peas and English peas). And dinner was 'Chinese Take-Out' which featured a lot of Annabelle's heritage--steamed dumplings, BBQ ribs, and not sure what else. Dessert was a sweet Italian bubble with chocolate donuts. Except for the souffles and bacon, which came at the start when our faculties were at their best (another VERY important part of the strategy), and steaming the dumplings later, nearly everything in our menu had do-ahead advantages.

The strategizing is intense. What makes these work is that I'm both a good project manager and the more experienced cook, and Annabelle defers to my instincts. And we work together seamlessly despite the limitations of her kitchen. Used to be so fun doing all the prep cooking the day before while our husbands hung out. Around 4:00 is generally time to crack a bottle--John calls it Poon Time--and I recall one time she and I getting antsy because the guys were outside and not getting around to it. So she and I deserted our posts and hid in the guest bathroom with an uncorked bottle and a pair of flutes. Soon enough we heard John and Bob come back into the house, survey the empty kitchen, and after digesting the fact that we were missing John flatly announced, "Bob, we're fucked." Of course we went hysterical laughing and they found us.

These are the moments in long friendships I treasure. So like I said, I love these people. We'll make it work, we always have.

Great stories, Jenise. I get it, but you have much more patience for limited equipment than I have. Maybe it's a residual effect of decades of lab work, but I get quite frustrated with e.g. dull knives, electric ranges with bad metering, or ineffective hoods. This has become an acute issue post-pandemic since we now stay almost exclusively in AirBNBs when we travel.

If you let ineffective hoods stop you, you'll never go anywhere.